Chronicles of my Existence

Aur Paas

2011-01-09T01:54:00.005+05:30

Koee hotaa jis ko apanaa, hum apanaa kah lete yaaro
Paas naheen to door hee hotaa, lekeen koee meraa apanaa

I do sincerely feel that when Gulzar wrote this song he did not know what long
distance relationships were al about. Had he known, he would never have said
"paas nahin to door hee hota", because no matter what one thinks of long
distance relationships in the beginning, eventually it gets tough to keep up.

Screwed way of living

2010-04-11T19:51:00.002+05:30

The theory about religion and God has eluded many. I myself would not claim to have a deep understand of the same. But whatever that it may be, no religion, no god tells people to be insensitive or bad. I also believe that we are born good, it is some inhibitions, some teachings that mar our capability to judge events properly and thereby we make whatever mistakes that we make.

My friend's father recently passed away, and having known her for six years now, my friends and I decided to pay a visit. But unfortunately my friend whose marriage has been fixed could not come. She wanted to come, in fact she was the one who began all the coordination, but she was told that since her marriage has been fixed she cannot visit the friend.

No religious rulebook would preach inhumanity. It is we who interpret bad luck, bad influence in a skewed manner and come up with completely insane laws. If only we could see things with a tinge of reason/logic and evaluate the situation objectively things could be so much better.

Sometimes I even feel we are so selfish that we like to interpret things in a way that is convenient to us.

Irreverance

2010-03-13T19:07:00.002+05:30

When I joined a newspaper I somehow expected my colleagues to be in this profession for a reason, not just because they can string words together and make things sound simple for the reader. And today, 11 months later, I realised I was wrong.

I think I just took my colleagues for granted. When the new Assembly building inauguration ended and Jana Gana Mana played on TV, I sprung up from my seat and was amazed at the callous manner in which all my colleagues continued to stare at their monitor. One photographer, one reporter and the consulting editor gave me company thankfully. But what is it that the rest of the representatives of this fourth estate were doing?

One reporter mockingly turned around and held a saluting pose. That's what you get for respecting the National Anthem. If an office full of journalists can't stand up for 2 minutes, what can we expect from the masses?

Ulta-Pulta

2010-02-04T23:41:00.000+05:30

The last thing my mom told me before she entered the airport was, “visit a temple, I did not have the time for it.” And so it was upon on my father and me to visit a temple and seek lord Almighty’s blessings on behalf of my mom.

We had planned to go to the temple close to our home, on the main road, in the evening. As going to a temple also involved a cleanliness factor, we took bath and got dressed and made sure we were presentable to God. With Rs 10 in my hand for the hundi/pujari we set out. Since this temple is on the main road, not many people visit it. So when we arrived at the temple, the old sweeper woman of the temple was about to lock the gates. But since this temple was the only temple in the locality and we had to do our duty, we sought her permission and entered the holy portals of the generic amman kovil.

With a cursory glance at the temple, I figured that this temple was clean and attributed the cleanliness to the lack of patronage of the temple. Maybe our timing was unholy (raahukalam, yamagandam types), all the Gods were locked up in their little quarters, which left us with no choice but to take a walk around the temple trying to figure who are the gods that are locked up. While we went from one cabin to another, the sweeper woman looked at us with great amusement.

Having completed the tour round the temple, I walked up to the sweeper woman and handed over some money to her since the hudis were locked up too. That’s when she told me, ‘you walked around the temple the wrong way, and you should go the other way.’

I wonder if the Gods blessed my mother. All has been well since the temple visit nothing disastrous has occurred yet. But just in case anything does happen, I know where I went wrong.

PS: We did go round the right way. But then I wondered, that only cancels the effect of the wrong tour; we should have walked the right way twice. Maybe.

The Goan Sunrise

2009-11-14T22:40:00.003+05:30

There are some real life anecdotes which I know for a fact I will narrate to my kids and my grandchildren. The following is one such. The story of bravery and sheer stupidity. One that never fails to amuse the listener and the narrator.

Not so long ago, five girls and two boys decided to take a break from event management and take off to Goa for 3 days. A tight budgeted affair as it was, allowed us to experience Goa on the Rocks. Right from the second-class train journey to the long wait on the Pune railway station shivering, just waiting for it to strike 8, so that we could take the bus back to the hills.

Having reached Goa and found cheap accommodation on Anjuna beach, our battle was half won. It was now for us to take off on our real adventure. At this point I have to tell you that I and my other friends belong to the east coast. And the Arabian Sea is something completely new to us.

And so when we see a huge water body, all we think of is ‘sunrise’. So the brave girls that we are, two of us woke up around 4, and proceeded towards the beach for the sunrise which we did not want to miss. With gingerly steps, we walked through a narrow, dingy lane that led to the beach fearing for our dear lives. All said and done, this was Anjuna, the very same Scarlet Keeling-Anjuna. Anything could happen, and nobody would ever get to know to come save us. But in all our bravery, we also took some precautions, on the beach we sat in the shadow of a small hoarding and while we sat there we scanned the whole beach for any hint movement and were ready to run, in case of a threat to dear life.

We sat in perfect attention for a long time, before we became a part of the environment of the beach and we no longer felt any threat. Slowly the beach started buzzing with activity. Men who came to do yoga, a couple who came for their morning walk, a man who came to drain his shop of the water that inundated his shack. They were all engaged in their business while we waited for the sun to rise from beyond the blue-green waves.

And wait we did.

The day only got brighter and there was no sight of the sun. It was 6. 00 am by now. That’s when realisation struck me, this was the West coast! And there are only sunsets here, not sunrises. With the sun behind us, we made phone calls to share the story of our bravery and stupidity, that was when my friend's father told her 'keep it low'.

Keep it low?! This was a story that would live on, a story of two girls finding sunrise in Goa. A closely guarded and well kept secret is now in the public forum.

Thank You

2009-11-09T17:18:00.002+05:30

This is a long overdue post.

When I passed out of undergrad I really did not think if I would keep in touch with all my friends and how often I would talk to them and what role they would play in my marriage. But postgrad really changed everything. I feel proud when I look back and see that six months after having passed out from SIMC, there has not been one single day when I have not mailed my friends, thought of them and spoken about them to others. This is a tribute to you all.

I expected hostel to be a place where random individuals are put together and cockroaches are served for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Basically a very bad life. But with all those apprehensions I figured that I was not giving life a chance. So I went there without any preconceived notions and allowed myself to make friends and enjoy life. I owe it to my roommates who were more or less family for two years for making hostel feel like home.

But life really does not stop with making two friends, knowing me, I really did not socialise much beyond during the first year. And SIMC never gave me the opportunity to think of anything beyond assignments, warning letters and Natu's art work.

But then, someone's leg broke. And I really did not think that helping her walk down two floors and climb two again will make us friends. Of course a broken leg needs just more than one crutch, while I was one crutch there was the other crutch who I again never though would be one person I would just fall in love with for her simplicity and innocence.

With the broken leg came others, a tea-making roommate and a pseudo roommate who is more than just a pink loving girl. She is by far the most caring girl ever.

Then of course, comes the 3 am friend, who I think is the Naughtiest 23 year-old-ever. She could knock at your door at the most random hour and while you would curse her beneath your breath, by th time you open the door, you can't be cruel enough to not let her in and allow her to entertain you.

No group of friends is complete without the one girl who would freak out about everything right from attendance to FOC layout and would be that one person who introduces you to the weirdest of phrases and proverbs that would describe every situation in life. Oh yes, the best companion to devour a yummy blueberry cheese cake with.

Lastly, there is one person who kind of fills that void in life, you audition so many people and nobody comes close, but then one did. The one relationship that completes me. A brother.

MB: Mosquito Bat

2009-09-23T03:25:00.003+05:30

No matter what has transpired in the past, I have to accept that you may not be too bad.

To you my mosquito bat, I owe my sleepless night. You who ditched me. While I waited all night long for one spark, one insect dead, one moment of valour, you let me down.

But when the moment was ripe, you entertained me, proved your worth. But for that short chasm when you let me down, I hated you, my mosquito bat.

To you I owe my sleepless night.

The cost of poor-tax

2009-09-19T21:30:00.000+05:30

With every festival comes a list of mandatory purchases, gifts to be given away and a wishlist that is more gratifying than the last year. But all of it is not that easy to basket, since every family has to work around constraints, some budgetary allocations under which the wants are prioritised. Every family waits for this celebration, praying for prosperity and hoping that the next festival is better than the pervious.

A.Shabiroun (60), a housewife defines Ramzan as a festival of giving. ‘All that I want to do is help students who can’t afford to fund their schooling and give the poor clothes on the occasion of Ramzan. If one has not donated on the occasion of Ramzan, the essence of the festival is lost,’ she says. While her husband Mr Abdullah says that this festival is like paying tax to the poor.

But even Shabiroun who believes in giving than celebrating says she can’t afford to give to her heart’s content. ‘My husband goes out to shop for wheat, rice to be given at the Mosque without me so that he can travel by bus and not auto,’ she says, regretting being a burden on her husband rather than a helping hand. A mother of three daughters and two sons, who are all settled now, Shabiroun does not make anything special for her Eid lunch, just idly with khurma.

‘It is only sacrifice and prayer that make a person humane and successful, I needed a cataract surgery on both my eyes recently, but just after the operation on my right eye was completed, my servant maid needed money to get her daughter married, I sacrificed the surgery on my left eye and gave the money to her,’ she says recounting her sacrifice.

Shabiroun only hopes that she can make Ramzan more memorable for others by helping them tide over their troubles, but for a tight budgeted condition like hers, it is at the cost of an eye.

MM-Mosquito Menace

2009-09-19T02:30:00.000+05:30

I know that my blogpost title is the most abused headline, but it is so apt, I can't but abuse it again.
-------------

To my dearest Mosquito Bat,

I love you swing you around like my Gadha (as in Gadha-Dhari-Bheem). You are the best thing that happened to me. I love to see mosquitoes writhe as life ebbs out of them. You have made me experience violence in the most useful manner. Mosquitoes were never meant to be. You, my weapon, are going to gain 'punya' by serving this mission to exterminate the most useless insect ever.

To you my mosquito bat, I owe my deep slumber.

love

S

Back

2009-09-03T18:30:00.002+05:30

I have been dormant for too long, and its never too good to not write. So I this is me returning to blogosphere.

No mockery.

2009-07-11T21:50:00.002+05:30

I have always felt that it is important to be able to laugh at yourself and lighten situations with a pinch of humor. But now, it is becoming tough to laugh at the effects of metdown or share a joke about work with friends.

This is where I draw the line.

Lavale Blues

2009-04-17T22:00:00.002+05:30

Ah well, now that it is over, I can say it was fun.
Now that I am legally unemployed, I can say I hate this.
Now I am the one up on a hill saying goodbyes to family and living alone in an empty room, I can say 'you don't understand what this feels like'.
Now that everybody is gone, I can say mess food just got better.
Now that my coffee shop friends have left, the Coffee man decided to shut shop.
Now that the hills of Lavale which was buzzing a week ago is empty, all I can hear is the echoing silence.
Now that the lights in most hostel rooms are shut, I can count the inhabitants of Lavale and we are jobless.
Now that we are the victims of recession, I want to vote for a good government.
Now I can't meet many people for a long time, I will watch them all on TV when I miss them.

Ae ab bas bahut hua

2009-01-27T23:05:00.002+05:30

I just looked at the dateline of the last post on my blog, and that gives me reason enough to post. Well, Symbi is having this 8 days of events coming up and I am in-charge of the latest SIMC property - Combat Terror 09. And the conceptualization of the event obviously comes from 26/11. I am blogging and therefore I am.

Anyway, since the 5th of January, many things have happened in my life and its been so bad that by the evening I seem to forget what happened in the morning. But let me tell you that not all is bad in the Western World. Good things also happen and I forget those too, which makes life tougher.

I wish I had room service and also a head massage for free everyday.

Enough is enough really now.

Breaking the Walls

2008-11-25T19:43:00.003+05:30

The child opened his eyes and saw her head back. He slowly climbed out of the cradle and followed her. He went past the door and towards the kitchen. He slowly crawled under the tables, chairs and past everything in his way, with little effort. Finally, he reached the kitchen, and exclaimed to get her attention.

"What?! How... How did you get here with all these obstacles in your way?"

She lifted him and he clapped frantically. They were soon lost in the joy of being together.

Shopping!

2008-11-08T20:02:00.002+05:30

It is very essential that I chronicle this day of mine. This was officially the first day I actually went berserk shopping. It is a confession, I shopped for some 800 bucks at Sarojini Nagar Market, I am guilty but I think god will understand. There always has to be the first time you do things. For me, FC Rd was like awesome, but today Mrin opened Pandora's Box to me. It was sinful. I think my parents have forgiven me already, so I am cool. A sweater for 75!!! and a muffler for 35! I am secure in the Delhi winter for 110 bucks! Well I am thinking that will be enough. The quilt and existing winter clothing are not to be accounted for here.

Toodles, movie watching time.

National Capital

2008-11-04T23:22:00.003+05:30

Disclaimer: Okay, dont point out lame typos and all that jazz, I am typing at break neck speed. I have an internet curfew in my land of residence right now. And the rest of that story will follow when I have more time.

So anyway, I am in Delhi doing my internship in this cool place. I will not name it. And my internet will shut off at 00.00 hrs and it is 23.25 hrs right now. I have just been challenged about my blogging skills and hence in spite of a lack of inspiration here I am. Titter tatter titter tatter.

Ah well, as I have mentioned already, rants are not my cup of tea anymore. I now prefer sitting on a peaceful sea beach eating some yummy mirch bajji and writing a melancholic piece. Or, sitting in a newsroom, gulping down hot tea (yes, I dont sip my tea, I take it in one go) and titter tatter on an archaic Windows 2000 machine. (And a ceratin journalist insists on puffing out all his/her smoke into my eyes, so that misery is also added in the newsroom.) These newsmen I tell you, all eccentric *******. You can fill in whatever you feel comfortable with.

Now I gtg.
Ta

Rants. Now and then

2008-09-10T00:20:00.003+05:30

Those were days when to vent myself out I wrote blog posts. Such terrible ones which I regret to this day. Back then, blogging was the IN thing, may be it still is. But I seem to have grown beyond blogging. It happened sometime back, and since then my rants have reduced so much. I am surviving well, and without ranting off on my blog at least.
Its nice to have a hit me doll and punch it, instead of writing and clicking a morbid Publish Post button. The action is missing with blogging.

But... My latest venting out mode is bringing back days of my personal journal. But the part which I love the most is, I write and then I tear it all up. So you vent it, and then keep no record of it to regret later. Safe and tikau. What-an-idea-sirji!

There! Branding for Idea Mobile also I have done. Nice conclusion to the post, regret worthy, but adds the My-ness to it.

Inspired

2008-08-26T19:21:00.002+05:30

Left to myself I may not have blogged today. But the story goes thus:

I reluctantly walked into a certain Prof's class today. He is a person who has aught us for two semesters and we have not liked him greatly so far. Expecting the same to be the case today, I sauntered in. And the first thing he does is turns the whole orientation of the class around and makes us face the valley while he pulls a table to the middle of the class and hops onto it. He generally gives us the freedom to sit how we want, so we made ourselves comfortable. And he has this peculiar habit of making anything spoken by him or us written in our notebooks. So we take out our books and pen, and are prepared to face him.

The man that he is, he begins with, 'Ideology of ....', and then continues to say, 'Let me state my biases, then you state yours'. We look at each other (there he goes again!), his usual is, 'I am biased against the TV, I am biased against Privatisation, I am biases towards Anarchy, etc.', we were right and he continued, then it was our turn, as expected we had to write it down. The conversation was actually less about his biases than about the ideology itself. This made us feel so much better about the class. Finally he was not advocating his views, but actually looking for opposing opinions. So much fun!

Later he gave us assignments, five topics we need to write on. And that has actually inspired me to blog. The first assignment is - Symbi Lavale - a description (of the beauty, not of the shortcomings etc.). Once I finish that assignment, it will be up on my blog.

Yayyyyyy

2008-08-25T22:24:00.002+05:30

It is essential that I post before somebody else writes an obituary for my blog. Seriously, life up here (NO! not like up here=heaven, I just mean Lavale Hill, like Lonavala), is really in doldrums. Here I have to mention DRDO (yes, the same thing you are thinking, Defence Research and Development Organization, we here call it 'Dar-do', like Dar-do disco) is driving me up the wall. Basically, I am meant to make a talk to students of DRDO about the Water Politics and Global warming. As interesting as it may sound, there is only so-much (holds up little finger as a sign of measurement) I can talk about in one hour, but there is so-much ( trying to measure the universe) that has happened, that one is trying to filter out the crap. One continues to try... When One succeeds, One will post again.

Blah-gging

2008-06-22T01:45:00.002+05:30

Its a long time since I have written, and now I know for sure that I am not writing to anyone. It was a long time back when about seven of my classmates and I had started blogging and back then blogging was BIG and new... Now, blogging is really not for people who are not in the habit of updating their blogs regularly. There was a time when I used to urge my dead-blogger pals to write, but now I no more have the enthu to urge others and the least to even update mine. But why do I still write here one many ask, ah well , sigh, for me it is simple to hone my writing skills, which does not happen in a daily journal because thats too personal to warrant any kind of high degree of good expressive writing.

Anyway, my recent stay in Chennai has been quite eventful, professionally and personally and specially, I realise my sweet freedom and independence of Pune makes parents look like Hindi Prants' in law. Funny what one year of independence can do to a person.

Ooooh, and, Saravana Stores is my latest favourite. I have been driving to my workplace for the past two months in a typical Chennai summer and at eleven thirthy when I cross the Saravana Stroes at Pondy Bazaar, the A/C's cool breeze that bleeds onto the main road makes me feel like I landed in heaven for two seconds. It revives me and gives me the energy to complete my drive upto my office.

Thats it for now, I am awake and hence I blah-g. When I am not, well, I am just not.

Global warning

2008-04-18T21:51:00.005+05:30

What has 15 days at my NGO done to me? (We will refer to it as NGO, for security reasons)

So, the time point at which I joined The NGO, they kick started a campaign to fight Global Warming. And what I realised when I stepped into the office on day one was that these people were obsessed with Global warming. Like big time. To a level of changing a lifestyle such that utopia takes over the present capitalist, consumerist world. Seemed a little improbable to me. But The Founder of The NGO is a phenomenon, he walks into a Nokia store to buy a phone and starts educating the sales persons there about global warming and its solutions.

And today when I visited my relatives, I realised I was possessed by The Founder, I was talking to my relatives about global warming, what to do, what not to do etc. Thankfully I am not as obsessed as The NGO is with 'An Inconvenient Truth'. My NGO for some reason beleives that the sole cause for a tsunami is 'global warming'. Anyway, I managed to educate them about tectonic plates, Alfred Wagner and all. NGO has helped me learn people skills, 'how to communicate with people who don't listen to you'. Well, it is tough. But we learn to adapt. We begin to trust in telepathy.

In 10 days my tryst with Global warming will end, while the rest of the world continues to deal with it.

Go watch An Inconvenient truth. Compost Kitchen waste, avoid plastics, plant bamboos around your home (they consume 250 kilos of CO2 in a year), reduce vehicular pollution, conserve energy; the best option being dont breathe. we exhale carbon di-oxide! I say China and India are the greatest contributors to Global warming.

La la la...

2008-03-18T21:16:00.002+05:30

Too much happening in life, just too much.
And all the while when I was vetti, the authorities did not bother much; they took us on trips to Lonavala, gave us 15 days off and what not. Now when we have study holidays, assignments, tests, and other stuff crop up from no where, like NO WHERE.
Also, Microsoft Windows decided to take leave of my comp few days ago. It is like this: My comp was behaving like it had no mind and would not even listen to me. So an evangelist, decided that the only antidote to this problem was LINUX. But, what happened when the antidote was administered? My comp started behaving like it was possessed by some alien being, so the original resident of my comp moved out, giving more space for the alien that possessed it.

This very same evangelist once told me that the only thing Windows can do and Linux can't was - Suck. But consider this, i cant play music or videos on my comp, because I have to apparently download some upgrades and all that jazz. Why would I mind Windows when it gives me Windows Media Player, and allows me to install VLC player?

All that aside, I will be back home in 13 days. In two and a half months from now, I will be attending classes atop a hill. They say, SIBM which will also be on the same hill, has a lot of male students. I do not know how it will matter, because we will be having classes till 12 in the night.

Some more supdates, I am seriously thinking of Hindi Journalism, they need more people there. So a year from now, if you find me on Aaj Tak presenting some Sansani Khabar about the admissions' couch at SIMC do not raise your eyebrows.

Quilt

2008-02-19T23:09:00.002+05:30

My maroon and white quilt has been very loyal to me and this post is a dedication to my quilt.

Under my quilt, I have a world of my own. A one so private, it is known to none but me. It shields me from the sunlight bleeding through the curtains and chilly winters alike. Under my quilt, I have a world of my own. A solemn moons glows in the dark under my quilt, a constellation of stars arrange themselves around the moon, making my sky as customised as it can get. A beautiful sight it is, all for my eyes.

But the deafening silence I experience under my quilt, bears testimony to how little my world is under it.

My Teddy Bear

2008-01-27T23:42:00.000+05:30

Its again one of those nights when there is a lot of work pending, but I just feel like working. I can't sleep because I don't find on good reason to sleep as early as 00:00 hrs. And the deadlines still do not inspire me to work. All, I want now is a life with as little complexity as possible.

Life when I could take everything on face value, not judge them a million times. And I also have this very recent desire, I do not want to be made to feel like a fool every single time I actually bother about something. Bleargh. I just give up.

I just want a little teddy, who I could talk to, I could play with, I could cling on to at nights... I sound like a two year old, but not like I care. A pillow is not always enough. Even the best of times can get tough when they become too good. I know there will not be a fall, but just in case...

To Amma and Baba

2008-01-21T22:52:00.001+05:30

The other day I received a mail from my father, he had signed off as 'Love Baba'. Thats when the exclusivity of 'Baba' struck me. I dont particularly remember receiving a mail from my father. But when I read his mail yesterday I felt a question creep up to me, 'have i ever made him feel special?'. Made him feel like I love him like nobody else does? Shown him that I respect his word and thought? My guess is Never.
There are quite a few people I say 'love you' to over the phone when my conversation ends, but I dont ever remember saying that to my parents. There is no particular need to tell them that I love them, because it is obvious, but it does not harm so much to say the magic words.

It is another thing that once when I did call them to tell them that I love them a lot and that they are the best parents in the world, they were worried about my mental health. Out of the ordinary kind of behavior you see.

Love you Baba, Love you Amma.

2008-01-05T00:26:00.000+05:30

Stress Buster

My roommate today took advantage of a free hour to go gym to cleanse herself of all negative energies and stress. Instead I slept in a very nice ergonomic chair. Though I should tell you that I spent the morning going to Hinjewadi from Vimaan Nagar (for Chennaiites, its like going from Ambattur Industrial Estate to Thiruvanmyur). And bear in mind that the MaNaPa (Pune MahaNagar Palika) buses are protected by the ASI. So anyway, I learnt that Symbi as a policy goes out of the city to set up it's institutes.

All that aside, I wanted to stress busters. I think blogging is a great stress buster. And hence, I will never reduce weight. But, I don't think I need to worry about losing weight, I have an internal mechanism of skipping meals and surviving on fruit juices. I also have a fruit juice schedule now, I drink a differnt fruit juice everyday.

I am going on a study tour to Khandala this week (tsk tsk, I know, its the weekend, but my week just started). And my prof tells me that I would freeze to death there. This would not be my last post in anycase because even dead SIMC-ians can't get away from the SIMC stress routine. I will apply for the post of Yama's Communication Strategist. Cool no? So that when you die, I will prepare the right strategy and discuss it with Yama over a hour long powerpoint presentation which he would scrutinize as he snoozes. I also promise that as a part of the strategy I will prepare press releases and get your obituaries published in at least three national news dailies. If you go to heaven, you also get a mention in a National news channel.

Rahi ko rasta na mila

2007-12-06T22:40:00.000+05:30

In the recent past I have been driving around the city quite a lot. Not the home-college-home but random far-away places kind of thing. And finding my way around these places with all the traffic diversions has been quite a tough task.

But the yesterday, I did the whole home-college-home thing and I did not have to think too much while driving. It was more like the decisions were taken, I had to just follow them. The road just kept unfolding to me like a purple ribbon, and I chugged on. I knew my every move, my every defense mechanism and they were the quintessential moves.

Sometimes I wish I did not have to think much about what to do next and how to do whatever I have to do. Then I know thats being simply dumb. Thats no life.

Unsure Executive

2007-12-06T21:44:00.000+05:30

What follows here is my greatest learning as a Journalist.
Its a simple story about people who are unaware of their own job, their jurisdiction and basically ignorant people.
So I had to make a news feature on the flyovers that are coming up in the city. And this news feature was to be made in the audio-visual format. So as a normal person would, I guessed that if I stood at a juction on the road with a camera on a tripod, it would attract eyeballs and I may also create some problem in the flow of traffic. So, I contacted the Asst. Commissioner of Traffic Police. Now this man was nice enough to give me an appointment at eleven at his office. When I landed up there at eleven, he was out on rounds and said he would return by twelve. How I spent one hour is another story. When I returned at 1230 to the police station, the man was not back. I then found out from some police officers that the man I was looking for was stuck in a meeting that would go on till 1330 hrs. I waited patiently. Some activity on the traffic police floor began around 1300 hrs. So I guessed that the man should be here soon. And he did arrive by 1345 hrs. I met him as soon as he entered his room. And he listened to my need for the third time and said that he was 'nobody' to grant me permission to shoot on the roads. I had to take permission from the Commissioner of Corporation.
I did not get his point, I wanted to shoot on the roads of Madras. The traffic may be hindered because of me, if he is not the one I should be talking to, the who! Anyway, I headed to the Rippon Building.
The Rippon Building treated me real good. I met the commissioner, and all he meekly muttered was, 'go to the Bridges Department'. Duh! Like he was the biggest guy there, and he did not deem himself to be the right person to grant me the permission I needed. Anyway, I was sent to the SE Bridges. Excluding the corrupt government official who tried telling a lie to a well informed citizen, the bridges department was a cool place.
Now the bridges SE, thought that he did not have the authority to grant me permission! He directed me back to the Commissioner; I explained that the Commissioner sent me to him and that I cant go back to that guy.
Finally, he gave me the telephone number of the AEE who is in-charge of the construction the flyovers. And he also added that he cant give me a written permission. Whic basically meant that I can do whatever I want. And that I wasted my time trying to get permission.
Morons.
Now, tell me, if the AEE(an engineer) gives me permission to shoot the construction of the flyovers, but what if some two-wheeler collides into some four-wheeler because I suddenly jump onto the road with my camera? Do I tell the traffic police guy that an Engineer gave me permission?
How pointless.
Anyway, yesterday I did the shooting, with no problems at all. At the Kathipara Junction though, one guy did catch us and wanted to know who gave me permission to shoot. I finally said I would not use the footage. LOL, he trusts me.

Grow up!

2007-11-22T16:39:00.000+05:30

Leap frogs have always been a species I despise. When I was a kid they scared me; my mom used to around the home with a bucket in hand trying to cage them in the bucket. She too harboured a certain dislike for them. And anyway, they are ewwww.. I mean frogs.

The other day, I saw her sitting by a pond and conversing in her little way with those very leap frogs. It seemed to be a pretty civilised-happy-friendly conversation from where I was watching.

Yuck!

My mom grew beyond her dislike, the frogs also grew beyond their natural instincts. It was me, who remained a kid all my life and did not learn to grow.

Uncomfortable.

2007-11-21T10:38:00.000+05:30

Awkward. Thats how I feel. Just simply awkward. Though I have taken a few calculated risks, I still think I am not brave enough to get what I want.

2007-11-17T20:36:00.000+05:30

Nothing specific that I want to share. Just that I am trying to love the life I have to live.

Susmita
November 17, 2007.

Her Little One

2007-11-02T22:53:00.000+05:30

Right through that huge wooden doorway she had once constructed to protect her Paradise, walked in a little boy. He pushed the door open effortlessly with the skill of an experienced warrior. A little perturbed she welcomed her visitor; she figured soon enough that he was a harmless, adorable little boy from a nearby village.

His adventure turned her Paradise into their heavenly abode. Soon enough it was time for Her Little One to leave. But he had by then made a little place for himself in Paradise, where he now belonged more than he did anywhere else.

She waited with her door open this time for him to return. This time she had bed time stories to tell, lullabies to sing to him and games to play.

Eeee kaa hua... kaisan hua?

2007-11-02T16:46:00.000+05:30

Somethings of my life I cant figure why or how of.

SIMC

?!

Venkata Biswas

Thats what remains of my name at present. The Venkata in bold. Well, SIMC kind of finds it hard to fit my name the strict nomenclature it has framed for names. I do understand that when a name is split into the First Name, Middle Name, Last Name, it makes life a lot easier, but I DO NOT have a Middle Name. My first name is Venkata Susmita, is it too hard to understand that.

A particular e-mail group

I am no more a part of that group, in fact my membership is not valid anymore, yet I receive mails from the group and I am apparently still a part of their mailing list.

My DVD drive

It has a mind of its own I think. While there is a DVD in it, it ejects itself, like it were offering me something on a little plate. Next time I think I will place some biscuits when it opens.

My father

I have still been unable to figure if he is my father, brother, son, boyfriend or what.

Crap.

2007-11-01T16:45:00.000+05:30

So this is the second post of mine inspired by the loos and the shitness experiences.

I can't seem to understand why I have diarrhoea every time I return home. Having consumed food at the tapri and in the hostel mess I thought my stomach would have built some resistance. That aside, I so amused with my loo habits. Its interesting to note that I have totally no clue as to how one could possible reach his arse while squatting in an Indian Loo. The western loos and hand showers have made life too easy.

Another thought, does the government not have enough funds or lacks thought to provide slightly less common loos in IIT's? Let me hear everybody say, Symbi Rocks now. We have an attached loo, bath wash basin and balcony! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.....

Misc

2007-10-31T19:48:00.000+05:30

There have been a loyt things I have not spoken about on my blog, I will just attempt chronicling the few I remember right now.

Yeeeeehaaaaaaa! Well, that was a kind of game we played at this Moral Rehabilitation or no, it was Moral Rearmament Camp that my class attended at Panchgani. Contrary to how the yeeehaaaa sounds, it was more of a stimulus for tear glands than a call for merry making.

The Ghost on the third floor of my hostel, maybe I spoke about it once, but it was a major part of our lives, each one of us was speculating who the ghost was and why it had to knock on doors while it could just slip in through the doors. Some technical glitch I guess.

Id Mubarak, I kind of insisted that the Id treat in my room be vegetarian. My roomies were unhappy with me.

Campus Olympics, the kabaddi in my little life. You do not want to know more, but just visualize a human balloon floating around campaigning for a baseball match and rugby among colleges.

Then, my little adventure to a little town that is tucked away soooo far from civilization, I wonder why people still live there in spite of their needs and requirements. Sigh.

Chronicles of what??

2007-10-19T15:17:00.000+05:30

I can't seem to tell the difference between survival and living. On very platonic terms, survival is waking up early so that you are in time to catch the bus to college, and living is waking up early to spend time talking to parents before they leave home. Beyond that, I do not remember what life used to be like in April-May when I had loads of time and no deadlines to meet.
And now I have time, assignments but I know I can handle them. Have I learnt to survive such a morbid lifestyle or is it that I am living? I know I enjoy all of what I am doing, or am asked to do.

But the evaluations put me off. Sigh.

Bring it on I say.

2007-10-17T23:13:00.000+05:30

Orkut has always been my favourite time-pass. Anytime of the day, any mood that you find yourself in, the best get away is Orkut. I am not talking about Orkutting per-se, but the perks that Orkut offers. I have experienced the fransip offers and the random compliments, todays was mind-blowing.

I got invited to join a community by a friend(who i am not sure now why I accepted in the first place). The community page in large letters read 'we respect gurl's; by policy, I do not like people who use SMS lingo in SMS's, why would I appreciate this variation? So anyway, I rejected the invitation.

Then I began to ponder about the reason why these communities. probably, it is for people who feel similarly about things to discuss things and share opinions etc. There could also be fan clubs, and all, but 'we respect gurls'?? What kind of a person creates such a community? What kind of a person joins it? What do they discuss?

Maybe I should go back and read the threads. But is there a point? Do I really want to?

Susmita says, 'FUCK ALL'

2007-10-10T14:37:00.000+05:30

I seem to be in a dire need for reassurance and self-confidence. Lets say, my life which is defined by numbers gives a view which I can't agree with so much.

To begin, I need to tell myself that I can't be as bad as what my life looks like at this very moment.
Next, my suggestion to anybody who wants to earn money out of education is, 'Dude this country believes in the BTech funda, establish even one little shanty that provides a fake BTech in ECE and you will have more money than you ever had'.
A learning, teaching is not that much of a noble profession. And the media is the most screwed up business ever. And if you are a teacher in a media school, trust me, you are a prostitute, selling your soul.

Now I feel a lot better.

Tata world. Maybe some more sleep and little food, a bollywood feel good movie is the perfect recipe to make me feel better. And guess what, I have an exam tomorrow, and I have realised that studying is not going to make a difference.

2007-10-05T18:52:00.000+05:30

Weekends means, wednesday evenings. Flunking can become a way of life. Going to a pub may mean attendance. All of a sudden you will start skipping food for doing assignments, and you would not even realise it. Remembering one forty names becomes an obligation. Trying explain that inches could also be a unit of measurement could become a task. Simple geometry doubts could get your BP pumping.

Finally, a blog post maybe your only vent of depression, frustration and disgust, because nobody is experiencing what you are. Maybe the rest sympathise with you, but sympathy does not mean much always.

2007-09-29T12:56:00.000+05:30

What five days atop a hill and a trek to a plateau can do to me.

I cant digest good food provided on the hill cause i am not used to good food.

I can in fact trek whatever heights.

I realise that behind every facade is a person with emotions and great amount of goodness.

I love washing utensils while playing antakshari

Maybe utopia exists (only atop hills)

Ding Dong... The cynicism says I am back from the hills...

2007-09-17T14:11:00.000+05:30

What has staying away from home done to me?

I have lost enough weight to be proud of my eating habits.
I have leant that it does not hurt much to wash clothes everyday.
I have learnt that privacy is non-existent.
I have become quite sensitive towards about nearly anything, even somebody killing a mosquito.
Ooooooh... I also have become quite used to watching not so great looking women nearly naked. Its very scary, I must add.

2007-09-08T18:22:00.000+05:30

The 09 batch of SIMC is fondly referred to as the Orkut Babies because of our overt use of the community to communicate and much more.

But the latest additions to the communities an average SIMCian is a part of are the 'Pen drive lost', 'Lappy charger fried' and 'failure' communities. Just about twenty students out of one forty manage to pass, and the majority are spiteful towards the minority as always. You will more often than not find members of these communities consoling each other and hanging out together in the library and sharing chargers, the scene is heart rendering...

I hate it that I need to fight for everything right from food to work. I slowly am realising what the increase in population and competetion means. Darwin's theory is unfolding so naturally infront of my eyes that questioning it is becoming redundant.

2007-08-29T13:11:00.000+05:30

Treading a non-existent path
With neither map nor compass
In the vastness of land
Lost
In infinite time, germinating intentions
You, I and the moon

Debris

2007-08-29T13:08:00.000+05:30

Debris of my past haunts us
I try to catch that one ray
Of light on my hand mirror
Evading me, it bounces off
Unreflective surfaces, I grope in the dark
Holding just your hand, guiding me
Through all and sundry

Gost pe Post

2007-08-26T16:20:00.000+05:30

The ghost on the third floor of Symbi Girls' Hostel - most common dinner time discussion among the kids in the hostel. To clear a few misconceptions, this is my contribution.

Maybe I was the phenomenon which was mistaken to be the ghost. I had too many assignments, having finished one, i decided to take a break and visit some of my friends on the third floor. I am very sorry, if i knocked hard on your door to later realise that i was knocking on the wrong door. Hence when you woke up to open the door, I was not around.

It was the BBA chick in the satin black gown with a plunging neckline. She apparently had no assignments and no engagements for the night either. Therefore, she went knocking on doors, timepass re! Bindaas! (She confessed to me). I have volunteered to give her all my marketing assignments.

I actually suspect the SIMC college authorities, maybe they were just checking on our night life. I think they are simply jealous.

Orrrrrr....

Maybe it really was a ghost. Just that it has not been able to float to the second floor so far.

2007-08-16T08:29:00.000+05:30

A few things that I have realised in the recent past...

Parents are the best people to turn to even when in slight distress.
To be brave is to recognize ones follies and attempt rectifying them.
To love and to see it through is never very easy.
Sometimes people may get distanced, but they appear like angels at the right moments.
Its always too early to say what could happen next till you see the eventuality taking shape.

I know...

Fridays and Thursdays

2007-08-15T23:33:00.000+05:30

Oh God! Its friday. Thats the latest in my life. There was a time in my life when I used to wake up on friday mornings and read The Hindu's Friday Review and figure my weekend TV watching schedule. Now, I am far far away from reading the paper every morning, reading the supplements is out of the question. I know that SRK's latest movie was released yesterday but I am least aware of the music of the movie even. I do not know who the female lead of the movie is!

Thank God its Thursday is yet another phase of life. Its the day when I can sacrifice breakfast to sleep longer. Besides that, Thursday is also room cleaning day, washing day, socializing day, reading newspaper day, cribbing about SIMC day, shopping day. A day to indulge. I always forget, for the normal girl, it is beauty parlour day too; when one pays to be harmed. But the most important of them all, profound discussions about relationships. Discussions that bring us back to the point we always begin with, the premise that men are intrinsically dumb and that women are dumber to fall for them. Love life is like sour grapes, we rant about it when do not have one, when we do, we are worried about familial paraphernalia.

Have I told you how much I love this place? Maybe I have not, either because I do not, or because I do not want to agree that I like it in a little way if not in a huge way.

Tag

2007-08-14T20:03:00.000+05:30

The 8 random things tag. - from Anna
Rules:
1. List eight random - preferably weird things about yourself
2. Tag 8 other people. (I am not going to tag anybody because not many read my blog, and the ones who do have been tagged)

Lemme see...

I love to eat paint off walls and also chalks and balpam.... Somebody please present me with a box of chalks for my birthday
For some reason unknown to me, people think I am a TamBram.
I think that Sneakers go best with Saris
I do not like compliments about my clothing and looks from complete strangers and just acquaintances
I do not consume any liquid but for water and frooty
I do not use profanities, unless it is life and death ka sawaal
I dislike and hence do not indulge in shopping
I want a particular person divorced so that I can marry him. In addition to that I want to remain as a student for the rest of my life.

To add some spice to Ram's blog, I tag him. Akx can take this up if she is not busy.

2007-08-05T14:32:00.000+05:30

I have about five drafts, none of which I have written completely. I have three books to read and so far I have found the energy and motivation to only do some academic reading. I have more than ten movies to watch and all that I have managed so far is to read up about the movies. What am I doing? I have been doing assignments. Pretty good so far.

Life just feels so stagnant. I maybe dead.

2007-07-17T15:23:00.001+05:30

If in the recent past you've asked me about my stay in Pune and how Symbi is, it is probable that I have answered in the affirmative. And as for why I keep it simple and say 'all is good, symbi is great', is because the situation is too tough to explain over a chat or mail as must have been the mode of communication.

So here goes, in detail as to why I always say yes and leave it at that. This place has amazing weather. The teachers with some exceptions are good. The food is great, of course, devoid of tamarind and mustard oil and curd and everything good. The hostel is amazing. We have people who clean our rooms while we are not there, because we just use the hostel to rest at night, anytime they come, we are basically never there. Thats pretty much the picture.

SIMC

2007-07-13T19:06:00.000+05:30

It is not fair that my hostel and Institute have not found any mention so far on my blog. This could be either because I simply have no time to think about it. Or I just do not find it worthy enough to find a mention on my blog. Its quite interesting how, both these reasons have contributed to me not mentioning much about it. Anyway, finally SIMC features on my blog. Ask me about it and you would have your idea of a week completely screwed up. As far as I am concerned, it is monday today. All you normal guys must be having a friday and planning for the weekend, but I have normal working days tomorrow and day after. And thats as spectacular as my life can get.

2007-07-11T09:29:00.000+05:30

When I thought forever had ceased to exist in my life, I realised that a forever of a different kind had taken the place of the former. Memories that would last forever plus one are what remain and fuel me. Memories that no amount of distance and time can snatch away from me.

All Ours.

Of obituaries and me

2007-06-29T16:48:00.000+05:30

Its been long since I wrote anything but obituaries and powerpoint presentations. The powerpoint presentations are about communication, so I am in safe territory. But the obituaries I have written so far range from that of Taslima Nasreen to my own self. And my professor for a reason I am unaware of thinks that Taslima Nasreeen is not internationally famous.

My obituary though, I was asked to write not keeping in mind the premise that I would be internationally famous someday but because one effective way to learn what my goals and priorities in life are. The obituary though is apt for my situation, I have reasons more than one to believe that I am dead. I live like a zombie. But I do not complain. Because I suppose I bargained for this.

Kasa kai!

2007-06-08T16:08:00.000+05:30

I do believe that when one is shifting place of residence for a long period of time, train is the best mode of transport. Why do I say that? Because when one takes a flight at five in the morning and finds himself in an alien land two hours later, it comes as a rude shock that though it just takes two hours, now I am far far away from a land I can call MY OWN. In a train, the travel is longer, the time allows one to get a grip on reality and absorb everything.

And, it is not so rude to get drenced in the first rain of the season five hours later. I like it. But I do not love it.

2007-06-02T22:36:00.000+05:30

When I started counting my last few days in Madras, I had a strange satisfaction with the number of days I had. But in a recent development, I am leaving a day later. And that has sort of left me in a state when even 'forever plus one is not enough'. When I count five... four... three... I wish I could add just another day every time I count.

Tempy tempy

2007-06-02T22:13:00.000+05:30

Allow me to welcome you all (all?! who do i mean by all, drop in a word, just to assure me that it makes sense to say all) to my new avtar. Before that, I thank Ram for taking responsibility of finding me a template and also editing ti to suit my needs. Psssst... He has vested interests. The pink was too harsh on him I guess.

So now to this template. I love it. It gives me a sense of peace and oneness with nature. The dominant elements of the picture are things I hold very dear to me. The crescent, look at it. The beauty of it is really unmatched, when I look at it, I know I am never alone. The tree, well, that in a way, I identify with myself. Alone, but standing tall, and the moon always telling me that I am not alone. The undulations of the terrain, remind me that nature is beautiful even though it is not perfect.

Oh! I simply love it.

Tempy please

2007-05-30T10:08:00.000+05:30

Sushbis goes PINK. I promise that this will not stay too long, but long enough for my readers to say No. Does it look that bad? Whats sad is, I have not figured to get the whole palette of colours, if I did, I would have picked the jazzy pink.

Ei but see people, this PINK, does not speak as much as I do about me okay! And please, if you do not want to see random colours flash on my blog, help me hunt for a new tempy. I am tired of the minima black and blogger does not give me better tempys.

2007-05-27T21:14:00.000+05:30

It is a promise I make to myself today: to let go of you when it is time. To stand back and relish the time we spent together and not ask for more. As much as I know that staying away from you is painful, I also know that there will be a tomorrow. A day that will not stand me up and give me tome out. These few days that 'we' have I promise to smile, to tell myself that 'we' will be fine; to prepare for a journey not that far to actually sever any kind of bond but for the comfort and security I find in your embrace.

While unfairness plays its part, I will play my part. That balances the situation out a lot.

Sop goes my heart.

2007-05-26T21:23:00.000+05:30

Its like this, I need to write a SOP to Symbi after having been admitted into the course. As strange as I find that, I am still attempting real hard at writing one for them. There a few things I need to say; that theirs is the best course, I applied only to them, and I got it. Well, no purpose as far as I am concerned, the purpose of wanting to study Journalism in order to enhance myself to contribute towards the betterment of the society is long gone. Now, I have only one institute that I have also paid my fees to, and also bought books to study for the tests that will be pelted at me once I touch base. Like they really want an SOP or a letter of condolence from me to myself?

Bratty Me

2007-05-26T20:37:00.000+05:30

I have no clue why kids throw tantrums but I throw tantrums like a bratty kid only for the smile that receives my tantrums.

I know I know, I am a kid. A big one at that.

Prejudices

2007-05-26T07:24:00.000+05:30

Prejudices against people are very subjective and questioning them is comparable to trying ot catch chickens. I have my own prejudices too, but I do not, or at least try not to force them up on others. What really is annoying about some people with prejudices is they try hard to actually find all the wrong attributes about the thing/person they are prejudiced about and harp about it incessantly. How much does to take to come to terms with the fact that you like or dislike something for no reason and stop picking on some rather senseless trivial issues in a poor attempt at justifying those prejudices.

Da da da dumb!

2007-05-25T06:56:00.000+05:30

I have not received forwards through SMS in a very very long time. Either because I have blocked too many numbers on my phone (yes! I can do that, and I do not miss an opportunity ever. Bwahahaha), or the people who used to send forwards have grown up. But the probability that the latter is the reason is very low; when did forward-ers start growing up! Its very unlikely. Anyway. The point of this post is that I was subject to listening to some 17 forwards that my friend received in a row from a 11th standard student who had just got a phone and a chunk of duh-dumb forwards free with it I guess. Of those 17 forwards, I fell in love with one particular forward for its sheer duh-quotient. It read thus:

A promise, when all seasons will dry,
When all birds leave the sky,
When all friends say good bye,
You will find me there to say Hi!

My stomach got cramps after my long bout of laughter. Well, this was not the end. The little 11th standard boy also called after having sent all those forwards to know 'feedback'. Yes, he called and asked for a review. What did he really expect? 'Amazing poetic scheme machan' or 'super sense of humor da'! What!

I suppose he was vetti enough; just that forwarding comes easily to him as does blogging to me. May the lord introduce him to blogging, at least then he can't force his posts on people. But trust me some blogs I have come across are appalling. They go to extents of posting forwards received through mail on their blogs.

Rona aaya

2007-05-24T07:05:00.000+05:30

Kabhi khud pe
Kabhi khud pe kabhi halat pe rona aaya
Kabhi khud pe
Kabhi khud pe kabhi halat pe rona aaya
Baat nikali to har baat pe rona aaya
Baat nikali to har baat pe rona aaya
Hum to samjhe the ke hum bhul gayein hein unko
Hum to samjhe the ke hum bhul gayein hein unko
Kya hua aaj yeh kis baat pe rona aaya
Kya hua aaj yeh kis baat pe rona aaya
Kisliye jeete hein hum
Kisliye jeete hein hum
Kiske liye jeete hein

Barha aise sawalat pe rona aaya
Barhan aise sawalt pe rona aaya
Kabhi khud pe

Kaun rota hai kisi aur ke khatir Aie dost
Kaun rota hai kisi aur ke khatir Aie dost
Sabko apni hi kisi har baat pe rona aaya

Not a favourite of mine. Not my present state of mind. Not a song I ever want to think of ever. Still a song that chokes me. A tinge of reality. A few uncomfortable ideas an aam aadmi would identify with. Sabko apni hi kisi har baat pe rona aaya...

Them

2007-05-23T07:51:00.000+05:30

With the moon shining on them, and a sea of people around them they sat at the sea shore lost in the steely ribbon like waves. The air was heavy with the smell of savories prepared on the beach. Little children, students by day and vendors of sundal by night incessantly nudging visitors to the beach had found their new victims; them. Beggars and hawkers like lingered around them like the mist on a cold Delhi winter. The man selling balloons made that irritable noise characteristic of balloons that caught attention of the children on the beach. He was doing what he was best at, entertaining a bunch of noisy kids. They still sat where they were; at peace with the world around them that was moving. Tucked away in a little bubble that showed them a rather unique picture of a world that they belonged to and still did not. A world that was speaking money, sweating, working hard; a world far more different than their own.

They sat.
Silence.

In a little world they had whittled out for themselves from the clouds. Floating above the real world, that was conspiring to pull them apart. They were special. Different from the rest. They laughed. Smiled. Played. Cried. For each other; to each other, not for the world, but for themselves. A little world that was theirs. Unique. Colourful. Bizzare. Peculiar. Yet Extraordinary.

The your-common-stray-rabid dog was chasing a little polythene cover that was dancing to the mild breeze that lifted the whittled out cloud and held it suspended in the air. The breeze ruffled his hair, she ran her fingers through his hair to set it right; to see his eyes that spoke volumes.

A whittled cloud floated.

Forever.

Joyness again

2007-05-19T08:14:00.000+05:30

Can fulfillment ever be felt as deeply as loss? Is joy ever as much celebrated as much as we mourn over our losses?
From experience, I do realise that maybe the period of anticipation of joy is a far more delightful phase than the joy itself. Of course not an over dosage of the anticipation bit. It does figure that yearning for happiness, or working towards this pursuit of happiness gives a certain kind of pleasure that nothing else can, not even the final result. The happiness we experience is more about the lack of it earlier than the fact that we have it now.

Queer I say. And three cheers to my 15by15 little baby that weighed just about seven hundred grams. My baby cake that I baked, funnily enough my gardener helped me much with it. I say he has his way with plants, manure, earth and batter alike. Three cheers to him too.

Messiah

2007-05-16T20:37:00.000+05:30

On this long road that I am walking, I have met a lot of people. Walked along with them for a while and then proceeded on my journey. Sometimes, I have also sat at the roadside tea shop and spoken to them at great lengths and have taken leave of them when it was time to go. But somewhere on this road of mine came along from nowhere a messiah of happiness. I have walked this road holding his hands since then. This road is not new to me, this road is something i paved for myself. A road that I want to walk. But this messiah, was a surprise of sorts. He appeared from nowhere and now when it is time to go, I realise that it is difficult to let go.

To let go of a hand that always said - it will be fine dear, this will pass too. A hand that showed me happiness; a hand that meant trust. A hand that said - I am always there.

I know I have to let go and walk the rest of the road myself, I know I can. And I know, when I meet him again, when our paths cross, nothing would have changed.

Misc.

2007-05-15T21:09:00.000+05:30

I fear that even before I can publish this post I would melt into a puddle of water.

Sigh, so this spiderman movie. I hear that he is undergoing quite a bad patch in life with relationship problems, professional rivalry, sandman and himself. Poor man, to elucidate that he has great responsibility, he just stepped into the shoes of a Hindustani Aam Aadmi.

And in our own Bollywood, Saif and Rani, pretend to their children to be participants of a reality show to live like hamara aam aadmi because they go bankrupt. This is what you call influence. Now when Raju and Ratna in some Pudupettai go bankrupt, they will tell their children Somu and Padma that they are featuring in Jaya TV's Subiksha Sponsored 'Poor House'. Gullible kids that they are also live the life of bankruptcy in hopes of becoming a Shilpa of the Poor House.

And as far as Metro is concerned, I would be glad if somebody could lend me a copy of Maximum City. And why does that freaky band with men with long scary hair keep popping up?? I hope to find a reason when I watch the movie.

That reminds me of - Aapkaa Surroor - The Moviee - A real luv story. I want to watch that movie too. Just that I know I can't survive it alone. I need company and my wife is long gone and is working hard. Though they are feeding her, she is not liking it. Can somebody just provide her with some sweet lime soda and veg macaroni. And me with a substitute wife. Ei, wifey, I hope you don't mind ya.

Small child. She is also working very hard I say. She I think should lead the anti-council this year. Go Green.

Tall thing. She is a famous girl. Not in our league I say.

Joyness.

2007-05-11T20:22:00.000+05:30

This part of my life, I think I call it clarity.

I have tests to study for. I have finally succeeded in moving on in life. It feels so good to be able to smile with the knowledge that nothing, practically nothing, can actually erase that smile.

And yes, more importantly, I went all the way to IIT to drink water today. There I met my wife and her Juliet; I was accompanied by my very personal Juliet. And we then met, well, a person. No, thats being rude, then we met, my Juliet's Romeo. Yet, my life is not as complex as it sounds.

Sigh, friend requests.

2007-05-11T15:04:00.000+05:30

With online friend's communities on the rise, it is high time people use some discretion in making friends online too. Just as there are people we always knew existed and still never made friends with, I do think the same should be possible and far more easily online. Considering the people are more accessible, does not mean that random people can be even turned into acquaintances.

And why would somebody who I have never spoken to in real life within close proximity ever want to be my friend just because I am approachable now and taking it for granted that I can't be rude and reject requests. Well, the truth being I am rude. I will reject requests of people just like I do not make eye contact with them in real life.

It is this apparent feeling of a personal touch lacking in the virtual world, but I disagree, it is a mere continuation of the real world, so I still can maintain my online identity in tune with my real self. Still people find that chatting or orkutting is an easy way to maintain relationships, well such relationships are what one could say ill formed and ill defined relations. Its weird that X can say "HI" to me over a scrap than make eye contact in real life. So why should I, take any action on making X my friend??? Not like I would loose anything, but why. Making friends is not achieved through the cheap portals of friends communities.

And as to why I am still a member after having deleted my account thrice and actually attempting to loose my password; well, I found my hostel details for symbi on an Orkut Community! So much for networking.

Bye bye

2007-05-08T20:07:00.000+05:30

So the month of April is over. And I just have another 27 days, in a place that has been my home for seventeen long years. This is the place where I grew up, grappled with failure, pranced around when I was happy. Madras exists in whatever that I am today as a person, the varied experiences the society gave me and a lot more that I can't go about listing.

Little memories that will never fade and I will carry with me where ever I go...

Schools - Balalok, Seetha Kingston, Chinmaya Vidhyalaya and PSBB... Schools have contributed a lot to what I am today.

College - M O P... It has given me a lot, beyond education. Friends, enemies, mass bunking, signature campaign... LOTS

Ispahani, Specially Sweet C - Its been liek home for three years, the yummy food, the waiters (who always respond to our grunting and hooting), the sad music and our table.

PTC Buses - For sheer cheap commutation.

Council - For hours of planning with no execution and also bitching. Bitching is bonding. Thank you Anna, I would not have taken up the post but for you.

Frankie Man - For good food during culturals.

Landmark - For all those books that I have read all my life. My lifeline.

Ramachandran Canteen - For all that "manjurian rice" and tomato juice I have survived on. And more recently the chocolate biscuits.

HOD - For sheer "upset-ness". She always believed that I was a bad girl.

Jambu Sir at Excellent Xerox - Without whom my broadsheet, Business Journal and Print Journal would have been impossible.

Isp Watchman - Who I did not know was concerned about me... He was pretty happy to see me visiting Isp even after college was over.

A few other people I would like to mention -

Anna - For being there. And hours on Gtalk, its so good that I will never miss you. I have too many memories with you, us five pointers!
Akx - My wife. The lou of my life, who gives me inspiration to be a rude person.
Kavya - The poem in my life. She though tried saying goodbye to me, it never lasted long. Poor her.
M - My driver. She knows my bike better than me. I am taking up a hosten in Symbi because I have nobody to drive me around there.
Aparna - Journal partner. Need I say more.
Divya, Nina and Lak- For insane Gtalk convos and chain mails.
Saumya - For being so clam always, showing me hope that peace can be found in the most chaotic situation.
Ram - :-)
Anjana and Smruthi - The rest of the quarters, life in college was fun thanks to you guys. Who needs an Insti roof? We get high on water.

PORN

2007-05-03T17:43:00.000+05:30

Preserve Our Reticent Nymphet

Explore your sexual desires. Thats the one mantra women in India really need to work towards. Ina country such as India where the gender bias is so prominent that it makes any kind of egalitarianism potentially impotent. This could be one of the fundamental lapses of our society that makes the woman's sexual desires a taboo and a man's desire - pride.
And anyway, how safe is a woman when she does express such desires? The usual 'Knife falling on the fruit or fruit falling on the knife' theory applies here. As akx put it "if an unmarried man wanted to have sex, he'd turn to a prostitute; if a woman in a similar position wants to have sex, she'd have to turn to prostitution."
Does the society refuse to accept that women can get horny too? Are they just in denial? How often does one find gigolos as compared to prostitutes? How well accepted is the idea of unmarried or married women fulfilling their sexual desires by means of a gigolo?
If men have sexual fantasies, so do women. May equality prevail. Amen.

Muskaan

2007-05-01T10:56:00.000+05:30

Muskaan is my little rose plant, gifted to me by The Gardener. She is a lot more than just a rose plant.
A symbol of life.
A listener.
A victim of society.
A survivor.

The first time I was gifted Muskaan V 1.0 (as much as I hate doing that, you will know why), I selected her from an array of roses at the nursery. She was standing tall with pride. Peach. I tended to her with much care but there came a time when I had to allow her beyond the confines of my home. And once she was a part of the nasty society we live in, she was manhandled. She lay helpless, lingering between life and death. Though we tried to restore her, in vain, she began to droop. Muskaan V 1.0.

It was then time for Muskaan V 2.0. She is special. She my baby. I do not know if she will blossom into a peach flower, red, pink, yellow; but when she does, she will be the most beautiful rose that will ever be. Muskaan V1.0 was more like an adoption, while Muskaan V 2.0 is in ways more than one my baby.

And, this time around I will be wary, a little more protective.

Food!

2007-04-27T21:02:00.000+05:30

When I began cooking I did not know that I will be overcome by the need for amma-made food so much so that I would lose my sanity. The craving for food has never been worse. If I am blogging about food then it must be something. The carrot Bala used in the play today was what I set my eyes on, but the rude character that Bala was essaying ate up the whole red carrot that really wanted to jump right into my mouth from his hands. Alas, the carrot could not make it to me. Then it was the turn of a nasty dog that tried to snatch my Brownie from me and also pounced on my wife, in order to yank the brownie from her. Is the whole world starved of food?
I hope not, because then, I would a depressed person. And though I know I was cooking well, I do wonder if I was good enough to satisfy the happy food cravings of people.

Am I obsessing about food? Are you saying that the beggar down the road eats burnt rotis and sometimes even snatches food from a dog's mouth? Excuse me, but today I am really being insensitive.

2007-04-26T21:54:00.000+05:30

Every little thing in life is a fairy tale. Just that sometimes we do not expect the end. This time around, I know my fairy is coming to an end. I am enjoying it while it lasts, and when it all ends, I hope I accept it with grace...

2007-04-24T19:53:00.000+05:30

Little realizations. Little attempts. Make a huge differences. If not in somebody else's life, for sure in mine. I accept myself as a better human being. I forgive myself for my little follies; hoping if i have affected anybody, I am able to do rectify to an extent my misdeeds.

I love myself today. I love myself for being able to love, because it is the purest of emotions.

2007-04-22T22:38:00.000+05:30

What does it take to be just tolerant of each other's flaws. It really does not take much effort to be plain nice to a person not because you have to, but because you love them. Because you if not for anybody else are meant to understand each other. Why increase displeasure when it can be contained.

Is it so tough to be just patient and tolerant of a world that you created because you love it.

Dreams

2007-04-21T22:21:00.000+05:30

Dreams. When you wake up with a dream, you normally are sane enough to know that it was a dream and that its over. The situation, the person, the environment is just an illusion, all you can do is recollect the dream and smile over it. When it comes true. It just does. You are a puppet of your dream. You know what will happen, you can see your dream unfolding in front of your very eyes; you just wish you could stand back and see it all happen the way you pictured it all.

I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each others dreams, we can be together all the time.
- Hobbes

Well...

2007-04-20T22:43:00.000+05:30

So its like this, gloogle rocks, wordpress sucks, and I have a need to blog, but I deleted my blog. And because I deleted it, unaware of its consequences, I am just stuck in a huge mess. Life has never sounded this bad to me.

Anyway. I love google. My old posts are on wordpress, and I will continue to blog here.

This finally is it. May google also take over wikipedia and M OP Vaishnav College and Symbiosis, then I will be total google girl! Google girl, now thats sounds like fun. Though Akx already is a google girl.

Never ever ever delete your blog, specially if you are using blogger.

Delete, back, move!

2007-04-20T19:54:00.000+05:30

I moved my own cheese to wordpress.

Main hoon Bai!

2007-04-19T21:40:00.000+05:30

No kidding. Every morning, I wake up rummage the fridge for vegetables, look for leftovers, and decide the menu for the day. Long vacation, with no apparent engagement other than a movie at one, another movie at nine in the night, has turned me into the Chef of the home. Whats more is that I am good at it! Much to my surprise. I have graduated from being a mere follower of cookbooks to innovating and experimenting!

And if Journalism does not fetch me much, I am planning to render my services as a chef to close friends, who i know will have no time to cook for family. Btw, I can also wash utensils, dry and fold clothes, I do not wash clothes (what are washing machines for), and no jhaadu marofying! (i suffer from acute asthma). Bonus! I will also take care of your kids. You can check my criminal records, I am not a pedophile, I am good with kids.

Ek vacation admi ko acche khasse vidhyarthi se kaamwali bana deta hai!

Deleted and Back!

2007-04-18T17:04:00.000+05:30

Hah! I am back. Anew. Feels good.

2005-04-20T22:52:00.000+05:30

Wheee... This is home.